Evil Bender might’ve converted to young-earth creationism, but I can one-up that. I’ve converted to Last Thursdayism – the belief that everything was created last Thursday. Our memories of earlier times were created along with our bodies and the universe last Thursday. Now, you may ask: “do I believe that everything was created on Thursday, March 26, 2009?” My answer is yes, but that statement won’t always be true: the universe is created each Thursday so that last Thursday always the moment of creation. It’s the great mystery of birth and rebirth. It’s not for mere mortals to understand. Saying that this is non-sensical is to question God and his ways – to put yourself above him. (Blasphemy!)
In fact, by the time you read this, it’s already another Thursday. And that’s why I cannot be held responsible for writing it.
And let me add one more thing: Pastafarians – your days are numbered. Your evil heresy has poisoned this earth long enough.